"Playing Angry Birds"
Building the Pigs Fortification
The Finished Fort
The Birds WIN!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
A Very Potter Christms aka This Ones For You Dassie
If there is one thing I love to do above all others, its read a good book. From the time I figured out that letters made words and words made sentences, and sentences made stories, I have always been able to be suckered into reading a good book. (As evidenced by my staying up until 5:30am last night to read The Hunger Games in its entirety... I didn't manage to stay awake in Church this morning.) And my favorite book series of all time is Harry Potter. I own all the books, I own all the movies, I read fan fics of all my favorite characters. You could say I was a fan. So needless to say I was very happy when I received many wonderful Harry Potter gifts. I got two Lego key chains (one of Dobby and one of Hermione). I got Harry Potter playing cards! I got the Knight Bus and Quidditch Lego sets. And I got two books that detail the process of turning the books into movies! Last year I got a Norwegian Ridgeback in my stocking... So it turns out that getting me Harry Potter stuff is a popular way to go. Not that I'm complaining mind you. I flippin love all my Harry Potter stuffs... And as I sit here watching my little Sister-in-law trying to throw her Angry bird stuffed animals at her pig stuffed animal which is imprisoned in a pile of Jenga blocks, I reflect on the spirit of Christmas. And that is Love. We all show that love in different ways, but I especially enjoy showing my love through gifts. And I think that's totally acceptable. After all, God showed his love for us by giving us a gift, the greatest gift of all: His Son Jesus. In terms of gifts this year, I totally killed it, but more important than that is the fact that I am surrounded by people who love me, and people whom I love, and best of all, I have Jesus Christ as my lord and Savior. And now I totally got off topic, but I don't care because I sort of like where this post has gone.... Maybe I don't hate stream of consciousness as much as I thought I did.
"Playing Angry Birds"
Building the Pigs Fortification
The Finished Fort
The Birds WIN!
"Playing Angry Birds"
Building the Pigs Fortification
The Finished Fort
The Birds WIN!
Friday, October 7, 2011
How I Spend my Days or the Two Whitest Shows of all time Ever
I got an unexpected full time job! I was doing In Home Care for the lady two days a week, and then the afternoon lady quit so I got to take over for her. So from noon to 6 every day I go over to this lady's house and hang out with her. And its a pretty sweet gig. I feed her lunch, do a load of laundry for her, wash a few dishes, and take her to the bathroom. That's it! The rest of my time is spent sitting on her couch reading a book while she watches TV. Her channel of choice? GMC. (Which I think stands for Gospel Music Channel. Hold on lemme go google it. YAY! Wikipedia says I'm right!) Who want to guess what the two shows that play on GMC every day from noon to 6?
If you guessed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and The Waltons, you win a gold star!
If you don't know what these shows are about, let me give you a brief synopsis. We will start with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman:
Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman is the six season long tale of a Woman Doctor in the post civil war wild west moving to the small Colorado town of Colorado Springs to be the doctor. Dr. Mike, as she is lovingly called (full name Mikayla), spends her days healing the sick, counciling the townspeople, and fighting against very serious social issues. Such issues include: sexism, racism (both against African Americans and Native Americans), the value of Unions, adoption, child AND spousal abuse, addiction, and even the problem with getting sue-happy. That's where everyone decides to sue every one around them for every little thing they can think of. That episode taught me that more people sued each other in the 19th century than the 20th century. Oh, you might not know what that means... 1800s > 1900s for suing. Sully is Dr. Mike's one true love. He's a white guy raised by Indians. She also has three adopted kids and one biological one (with Sully). There are only two black people in town. And everyone loves and respects them, unless its a racist themed episode and then everyone in suddenly joins the KKK EXCEPT Dr. Mike of course. The two "bad guys" in town are the Barber and the guy who owns the local Saloon/whore house. But a lot of the time they also do the right thing, and only seem to hate Dr. Mike when it is convenient for the plot. It is a show that is ultimately about how one woman can change a town for the better while wearing skirts and saving lives.
And now! THE WALTONS!!!
This is the favorite TV show of all elderly people. Seriously. I do not know a single old person who does not love The Waltons. Its a TV show that Chronicles the story of a Family living on Walton's Mountain in Virginia during the depression. Things I love about this show: There are two old ladies who brew bootleg Whiskey, between all 7 of the Walton Children every single possible life scenario is tackled in its 9 seasons, um... that's all I can really think of. Things that drive me crazy: Their names are SO BACK WOODS COUNTRY!!!, people on Walton's mountain are surprisingly Unracist (and seeing as this is 1930s Virginia I don't think that's accurate), John Boys Mole!!!! Just like Dr Quinn, The Walton's love to tackle social issues and there is always family togetherness and a heartwarming ending. They make the best of what they've got, and share with everyone they can, etc. etc. etc. And every single one of them loves Walton's Mountain and what it means to them and what it represents in their awesome and loving and wonderfully together family. I'm pretty sure the Walton's don't know what the word dysfunction means.
And so every day for at least four hours, I get to spend my time watching these heartwarming and uplifting TV shows. Its like a daily dose of White People with my pay check. Ahhhh How I love my Job! Now I need to go watch something made by Tyler Perry...
If you guessed Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman and The Waltons, you win a gold star!
If you don't know what these shows are about, let me give you a brief synopsis. We will start with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman:
Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman is the six season long tale of a Woman Doctor in the post civil war wild west moving to the small Colorado town of Colorado Springs to be the doctor. Dr. Mike, as she is lovingly called (full name Mikayla), spends her days healing the sick, counciling the townspeople, and fighting against very serious social issues. Such issues include: sexism, racism (both against African Americans and Native Americans), the value of Unions, adoption, child AND spousal abuse, addiction, and even the problem with getting sue-happy. That's where everyone decides to sue every one around them for every little thing they can think of. That episode taught me that more people sued each other in the 19th century than the 20th century. Oh, you might not know what that means... 1800s > 1900s for suing. Sully is Dr. Mike's one true love. He's a white guy raised by Indians. She also has three adopted kids and one biological one (with Sully). There are only two black people in town. And everyone loves and respects them, unless its a racist themed episode and then everyone in suddenly joins the KKK EXCEPT Dr. Mike of course. The two "bad guys" in town are the Barber and the guy who owns the local Saloon/whore house. But a lot of the time they also do the right thing, and only seem to hate Dr. Mike when it is convenient for the plot. It is a show that is ultimately about how one woman can change a town for the better while wearing skirts and saving lives.
And now! THE WALTONS!!!
This is the favorite TV show of all elderly people. Seriously. I do not know a single old person who does not love The Waltons. Its a TV show that Chronicles the story of a Family living on Walton's Mountain in Virginia during the depression. Things I love about this show: There are two old ladies who brew bootleg Whiskey, between all 7 of the Walton Children every single possible life scenario is tackled in its 9 seasons, um... that's all I can really think of. Things that drive me crazy: Their names are SO BACK WOODS COUNTRY!!!, people on Walton's mountain are surprisingly Unracist (and seeing as this is 1930s Virginia I don't think that's accurate), John Boys Mole!!!! Just like Dr Quinn, The Walton's love to tackle social issues and there is always family togetherness and a heartwarming ending. They make the best of what they've got, and share with everyone they can, etc. etc. etc. And every single one of them loves Walton's Mountain and what it means to them and what it represents in their awesome and loving and wonderfully together family. I'm pretty sure the Walton's don't know what the word dysfunction means.
And so every day for at least four hours, I get to spend my time watching these heartwarming and uplifting TV shows. Its like a daily dose of White People with my pay check. Ahhhh How I love my Job! Now I need to go watch something made by Tyler Perry...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Chicken Nuggets: The Brunch of champions
There are many things from my childhood that I have long since given up. I have put them aside to pursue more adultish things like bills, responsibility, and legal binge drinking* (I kid about that last part.) Heck, I even limit my coloring time to once every couple of months or so!
But I think I do a stellar job when I do color, no? The one in the middle isn't finished yet, but it was the only princess one I could find. I didn't want the picture to be too piratey.
But there is ONE thing, that I shall NEVER let go of from childhood, and that is Chicken Nuggets. If my father was here, he would take the time to point out that this proves I have absolutely no taste buds. And I would remind him, that if that's true, then he must cook crappy tasting food, because I love the way his food tastes. (I just wanted to get that conversation out of the way really quick.) For some, like my father, it may be hard to understand what on earth would make me love something so overly processed. After all, where ARE a chicken's nuggets located? But the truth is, I love their breaded chicken-y flavor, or maybe more accurately, I love BBQ sauce. Because I have found, that chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce, do not taste the same. If you put Ketchup on chicken nuggets, they taste like fish sticks (true story, try it some time.) If you put ranch dressing on chicken nuggets, they taste like sad and pathetic chicken strips (though I do LOVE a crispy chicken strip with buttermilk ranch.) If you put sweet and sour sauce on chicken nuggets, they taste like egg rolls. If you use honey mustard on chicken nuggets, all you'll do is make me crave a salad. Which by they way, is the TOTAL opposite of chicken nuggets.
I think chicken nuggets are one of those things that you are supposed to let go off as you become an adult. You move onto lunch foods like salads (if you're healthy), and Big Macs (if you're a fatty), or Sub Sandwiches (if you're at a subway). Chicken nuggets are what you buy small children at fast food places to avoid a mess. But to that I say NAY! I have always loved my chicken nuggets! And I always will. So as I sit here and finish my Tyson chicken nuggets dipped ever so lovingly in my K.C. Masterpiece BBQ sauce, I will savor each and every delicious bite, which screams "Forget you adulthood, I'm eating chicken nuggets!"
*To turn this into a fun ADULT game, take a shot every time I say Chicken Nuggets!**
** (2nd) Whitest Girl U know does not endorse binge drinking
But I think I do a stellar job when I do color, no? The one in the middle isn't finished yet, but it was the only princess one I could find. I didn't want the picture to be too piratey.
But there is ONE thing, that I shall NEVER let go of from childhood, and that is Chicken Nuggets. If my father was here, he would take the time to point out that this proves I have absolutely no taste buds. And I would remind him, that if that's true, then he must cook crappy tasting food, because I love the way his food tastes. (I just wanted to get that conversation out of the way really quick.) For some, like my father, it may be hard to understand what on earth would make me love something so overly processed. After all, where ARE a chicken's nuggets located? But the truth is, I love their breaded chicken-y flavor, or maybe more accurately, I love BBQ sauce. Because I have found, that chicken nuggets without BBQ sauce, do not taste the same. If you put Ketchup on chicken nuggets, they taste like fish sticks (true story, try it some time.) If you put ranch dressing on chicken nuggets, they taste like sad and pathetic chicken strips (though I do LOVE a crispy chicken strip with buttermilk ranch.) If you put sweet and sour sauce on chicken nuggets, they taste like egg rolls. If you use honey mustard on chicken nuggets, all you'll do is make me crave a salad. Which by they way, is the TOTAL opposite of chicken nuggets.
I think chicken nuggets are one of those things that you are supposed to let go off as you become an adult. You move onto lunch foods like salads (if you're healthy), and Big Macs (if you're a fatty), or Sub Sandwiches (if you're at a subway). Chicken nuggets are what you buy small children at fast food places to avoid a mess. But to that I say NAY! I have always loved my chicken nuggets! And I always will. So as I sit here and finish my Tyson chicken nuggets dipped ever so lovingly in my K.C. Masterpiece BBQ sauce, I will savor each and every delicious bite, which screams "Forget you adulthood, I'm eating chicken nuggets!"
*To turn this into a fun ADULT game, take a shot every time I say Chicken Nuggets!**
** (2nd) Whitest Girl U know does not endorse binge drinking
Friday, September 2, 2011
I don't think I'm fooling anyone...
There is a part of me that I have tried so very hard to keep hidden from the world. A secret part of me, that I hoped would go by unnoticed, that people would simply overlook it. I hoped, quite simply, that my true nature would not be revealed to the world at large, because if it was, there was no hope for me socially.
I guess as a teenager I really hoped that other teenagers (clearly the people I needed to impress the most) would one day discover I was really cool. I had a sad habit of trying to reinvent myself every year. It never worked. So you would think that at some point, I would have given in and just been me. But no, I worked very hard to maintain some illusion of being moderately cool even as I moved into adulthood. But now I have done something so unbelievably uncool, that there may be no hope for me what-so-ever, and everyone will know that I am a big fat NERDY GEEK FACE!
I began watching Battlestar Galactica, and I like it.
And I guess that wouldn't have been so bad, if it hadn't have been for a comment I made tonight at Community Group. The subjects of my rats came up, and I said "Rats make great pets." To which someone replied, "Oh you mean like Scabbers?" and I shot back "NO! SCABBERS IS EVIL!" Because I was legitimately offended that anyone would compare my rats to the faithful servant of the Dark Lord, or more importantly the dirty stinking rat responsible for the death of Lily and James Potter. Unforgivable! (Did I mention that I once saved an article from a magazine because they used the word "voldamortian" like it was a real word? Genius.)
So I guess I have to finally come out of the Geek closet (which I realize isn't a surprise to 99% of you). And in honor of finally publicly embracing my horribly uncool self, I will make a list of very geeky things about myself.
1. I watch Battlestar Galactica... and I like it. I like it so much that I have been Netflix marathoning it for close to a week straight. I'm halfway through season two. I don't know why I waited this long to check it out. Resistance was clearly futile.
2. My Christmas list includes the following two items...
This one is clearly, a gryffindor sweater. (I'm loom knitting a scarf to match)
And THIS is a wand that you can program as a universal remote for your TV... so instead of pressing buttons, you flick it different ways to control your TV. Also, it must be noted that I promised the hubs that if he got me this for Christmas, I would play Settlers of Cataan with him.
3. My butt looked like this when I attended the midnight book release of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. (And yes, I am wearing Gryffindor colors... so sue me.)
(If we could have a moment of silence for Borders where this photo was taken... You were an amazing bookstore and you will truly be missed.) Fun facts though, not only is my butt right... but I read that book in 9 hours straight, from midnight to 9am that night, and then spent the next week or so irritated because no one else had finished it and I didn't have anyone to talk about it with.
4. My favorite video game of all time is Pokemon for the game boy. It doesn't really matter which version, except for yellow. I didn't like yellow because you HAD to start out with Pikachu and the first gym leader was Brock who only uses Rock Pokemon and Electric Pokemon are USELESS against Rock Pokemon so you pretty much had to spend WAY too much time catching OTHER Pokemon and building up their strength so that you might have a decent chance at beating the FIRST FREAKIN GYM LEADER! Unfair to make it so hard so fast in my opinion.
5. You know what I got in trouble for growing up? Reading. That's right... I got in trouble for reading too much. Or rather, I got in trouble for reading with a flashlight under my covers at night instead of being asleep. Or reading under my desk when I was supposed to be doing math. More than once in Jr High I got in trouble for trying to sneak INTO the library.
6. "What's that got to do with the price of peas in Persopolis?" (If you know where this quote is from, congratulations... you and I have the same taste in literature. If you use this in your every day language like I do, Congratulations... you are a big fat nerdy geek face.)
7. I read textbooks for fun... but only the ones I find interesting. Also, when I am really bored, I have a habit of finding (and reading) really weird books. I once found a book in my Grandparents' basement that said you could tell whether or not a person was introverted or extroverted by how much their mouth watered when you put a drop of lemon juice on their tongue, which sounds crackpot to me. But the book also said that people who dream always in color and almost always remember their dreams are the most creative and intelligent... and I do both of those things... so I'd like to go on believing the book was correct. Never mind that it was written in the 70s.
8. www.thinkgeek.com has a taun-taun sleeping bag with a zipper pull shaped like a lightsaber and the inside fabric is designed to look like guts. If you don't think that's cool... there is something very wrong with you in my book. Also, come to think of it, pretty much everything on that website is awesome. If you've never checked it out GO THERE!!! If you don't find anything awesome or hilarious on that website, you might actually be a normal human being.
9. I played Dungeons and Dragons in Junior High and High School by choice. And I had fun doing it. Its probably because of this that I find the Order of The Stick web comics so hilarious. I am often ashamed that I get 99% of the jokes in it.
10. I recently got into a discussion involving the TARDIS which did not involve any of the following key words "Doctor", "Who", "TARDIS", and yet I knew exactly what we we talking about. The other person in the conversation then proceeded to say "Which ones your favorite?" And I said "The 10th hands down." and He said "well so and so's is definitely the 9th, but I prefer the Tom Baker years myself." I would like to point out that this was only the second conversation I had ever had with this person and neither one of us INTENTIONALLY brought up ANYTHING to do with Doctor Who. Our natural flow of conversation just led us to it.
So there you go. I'm a big geek. I won't try to hide it anymore. I don't think I was doing a very good job to begin with. I guess I will just go on having discussions about muggle quidditch in public and hope that nobody judges me if i accidentally say "frak" in a conversation. Thank goodness I'm not a Trekkie and I don't play WoW!
I guess as a teenager I really hoped that other teenagers (clearly the people I needed to impress the most) would one day discover I was really cool. I had a sad habit of trying to reinvent myself every year. It never worked. So you would think that at some point, I would have given in and just been me. But no, I worked very hard to maintain some illusion of being moderately cool even as I moved into adulthood. But now I have done something so unbelievably uncool, that there may be no hope for me what-so-ever, and everyone will know that I am a big fat NERDY GEEK FACE!
I began watching Battlestar Galactica, and I like it.
And I guess that wouldn't have been so bad, if it hadn't have been for a comment I made tonight at Community Group. The subjects of my rats came up, and I said "Rats make great pets." To which someone replied, "Oh you mean like Scabbers?" and I shot back "NO! SCABBERS IS EVIL!" Because I was legitimately offended that anyone would compare my rats to the faithful servant of the Dark Lord, or more importantly the dirty stinking rat responsible for the death of Lily and James Potter. Unforgivable! (Did I mention that I once saved an article from a magazine because they used the word "voldamortian" like it was a real word? Genius.)
So I guess I have to finally come out of the Geek closet (which I realize isn't a surprise to 99% of you). And in honor of finally publicly embracing my horribly uncool self, I will make a list of very geeky things about myself.
1. I watch Battlestar Galactica... and I like it. I like it so much that I have been Netflix marathoning it for close to a week straight. I'm halfway through season two. I don't know why I waited this long to check it out. Resistance was clearly futile.
2. My Christmas list includes the following two items...
This one is clearly, a gryffindor sweater. (I'm loom knitting a scarf to match)
And THIS is a wand that you can program as a universal remote for your TV... so instead of pressing buttons, you flick it different ways to control your TV. Also, it must be noted that I promised the hubs that if he got me this for Christmas, I would play Settlers of Cataan with him.
3. My butt looked like this when I attended the midnight book release of Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. (And yes, I am wearing Gryffindor colors... so sue me.)
(If we could have a moment of silence for Borders where this photo was taken... You were an amazing bookstore and you will truly be missed.) Fun facts though, not only is my butt right... but I read that book in 9 hours straight, from midnight to 9am that night, and then spent the next week or so irritated because no one else had finished it and I didn't have anyone to talk about it with.
4. My favorite video game of all time is Pokemon for the game boy. It doesn't really matter which version, except for yellow. I didn't like yellow because you HAD to start out with Pikachu and the first gym leader was Brock who only uses Rock Pokemon and Electric Pokemon are USELESS against Rock Pokemon so you pretty much had to spend WAY too much time catching OTHER Pokemon and building up their strength so that you might have a decent chance at beating the FIRST FREAKIN GYM LEADER! Unfair to make it so hard so fast in my opinion.
5. You know what I got in trouble for growing up? Reading. That's right... I got in trouble for reading too much. Or rather, I got in trouble for reading with a flashlight under my covers at night instead of being asleep. Or reading under my desk when I was supposed to be doing math. More than once in Jr High I got in trouble for trying to sneak INTO the library.
6. "What's that got to do with the price of peas in Persopolis?" (If you know where this quote is from, congratulations... you and I have the same taste in literature. If you use this in your every day language like I do, Congratulations... you are a big fat nerdy geek face.)
7. I read textbooks for fun... but only the ones I find interesting. Also, when I am really bored, I have a habit of finding (and reading) really weird books. I once found a book in my Grandparents' basement that said you could tell whether or not a person was introverted or extroverted by how much their mouth watered when you put a drop of lemon juice on their tongue, which sounds crackpot to me. But the book also said that people who dream always in color and almost always remember their dreams are the most creative and intelligent... and I do both of those things... so I'd like to go on believing the book was correct. Never mind that it was written in the 70s.
8. www.thinkgeek.com has a taun-taun sleeping bag with a zipper pull shaped like a lightsaber and the inside fabric is designed to look like guts. If you don't think that's cool... there is something very wrong with you in my book. Also, come to think of it, pretty much everything on that website is awesome. If you've never checked it out GO THERE!!! If you don't find anything awesome or hilarious on that website, you might actually be a normal human being.
9. I played Dungeons and Dragons in Junior High and High School by choice. And I had fun doing it. Its probably because of this that I find the Order of The Stick web comics so hilarious. I am often ashamed that I get 99% of the jokes in it.
10. I recently got into a discussion involving the TARDIS which did not involve any of the following key words "Doctor", "Who", "TARDIS", and yet I knew exactly what we we talking about. The other person in the conversation then proceeded to say "Which ones your favorite?" And I said "The 10th hands down." and He said "well so and so's is definitely the 9th, but I prefer the Tom Baker years myself." I would like to point out that this was only the second conversation I had ever had with this person and neither one of us INTENTIONALLY brought up ANYTHING to do with Doctor Who. Our natural flow of conversation just led us to it.
So there you go. I'm a big geek. I won't try to hide it anymore. I don't think I was doing a very good job to begin with. I guess I will just go on having discussions about muggle quidditch in public and hope that nobody judges me if i accidentally say "frak" in a conversation. Thank goodness I'm not a Trekkie and I don't play WoW!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Some White People Things I Saw in Denver
My trip to Denver, Colorado in Pictures... White People Pictures.
But If your kid isn't Gifted... clearly this school won't help them out at all.
Here we are enjoying ethnic food! In this case Japanese Soda! Mine's Creamy Melon flavored.
THE FARMERS MARKET! I bought coffee.
Smelling a spicy chai tea at a tea store. Notice all the teas behind the store clerk.
Whole foods! Because Remember, we buy organic... and fair trade... and other white people things..
So there you go. Some white people things I saw in Denver. It was an awesome awesome trip. Possibly the best weekend I have had in a long time.
But If your kid isn't Gifted... clearly this school won't help them out at all.
Here we are enjoying ethnic food! In this case Japanese Soda! Mine's Creamy Melon flavored.
THE FARMERS MARKET! I bought coffee.
Smelling a spicy chai tea at a tea store. Notice all the teas behind the store clerk.
Whole foods! Because Remember, we buy organic... and fair trade... and other white people things..
So there you go. Some white people things I saw in Denver. It was an awesome awesome trip. Possibly the best weekend I have had in a long time.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Because every skin tone is beautiful...
Here is the thing about Malls. They make you feel bad about yourself. I'm pretty sure that's how they make all their money. And that makes sense. I mean a place that makes its money primarily on clothing stores wants you to think that the clothes you have are out of date, out of style, and out of your grandmothers closet. I grew up in the land of Malls, and spent much of my sad and pathetic adolescence trying desperately to reinvent myself every school year. (Helpful tip: It never works. No body's opinion of you has changed over the summer.) Then I moved to Alaska, and BOY did life get better. I mean sure, there are still people who dress better than I do, but mostly people don't care so much about that. Also, I got married. So I guess since I always have someone telling me what a Hottie I am, I don't worry about how I look too much.
But recently I was back in the land of lypo, and luis vitton, and I went to the mall. This is the mall I went to:
I went to this mall as a kid. Well, I mean this part of the mall (it's outdoor courtyard) wasn't there when I was a kid. It's gotten considerably more pompous and snobby in the last few years.
I went to this mall to help my friend find layers to keep her warm in England this year. And it started out harmlessly enough, and I was doing good... until we went into Sephora. If you don't know, that's a make-up store. A HUGE store wall to wall full of beauty products. It was my mistake really. I asked if we could go in. Then once I was in I remembered that I mostly don't wear make-up, and when I do I feel like I never really do a good job. And soon I began to feel really really bad about myself. Which put me into a poopy mood.
(Number One rule of Mall shopping: NEVER go feeling poopy. You ALWAYS make sure you look your hottest. Here is why... Pretend you are a castle. A Castle's primary job is defense right? So when you build your castle you build extra high and thick walls so that when the enemy invariably comes to rough up your peasants, steal your gold, and make off with your lady friend, it takes them a lot more time, effort, and supplies to accomplish that. If the Mall is your enemy, and you are the castle, then your confidence in your hotness is your walls. Without a strong and firm belief in your attractiveness, your walls will crumble and the enemy will get you.)
So after that, I was drowning in shallow pathetic-ness (and sadly the hubs was not there to shamelessly make out with me in public to make me feel better.) The last stop of the day was the MAC booth in Macy's. My friend wanted to get some awesome Mascara for looking hot in England, and while she was at it, she decided she wanted to invest in a nice lipstick. Now important to this story is knowing that my friend is Ethnic. She is Chexian, which if you don't know, is half Chinese and half Mexican. And she is a HOTTIE! We still have arguments with each other about who is prettier (her saying me, and me saying her... I'm right.) So because she can't find a lipstick that she thinks is nice on her own, she asks the MAC lady (who is white). Only it turns out that the MAC lady is no help, and my friend begins to feel more and more frustrated. Finally when the lady walks off to go help someone else, my friend mutters "White people have no idea what to do with brown skin."
Man, I felt so bad for her. All she wanted was to find a color that looked nice on her skin, and instead all she got was a whole lot of self doubt and feeling icky. I guess that's something I don't think about, which is probably because I think people with brown skin are so lucky. But most make-up IS designed for white people, and most people probably AREN'T trained to know how to do make-up on people with brown skin. So even though walking into a make-up store might make me feel bad about myself because I don't wear make-up and don't look perfect 90% of the time, at least finding make-up that works on me would be super easy. So in conclusion... Malls are stupid, make-up is even stupider, and all skin tones are beautiful, especially my friend's. MAC should get with the program, because they have no business making someone as gorgeous as her feel bad about themselves.
Isn't she stunning? I love her!
But recently I was back in the land of lypo, and luis vitton, and I went to the mall. This is the mall I went to:
I went to this mall as a kid. Well, I mean this part of the mall (it's outdoor courtyard) wasn't there when I was a kid. It's gotten considerably more pompous and snobby in the last few years.
I went to this mall to help my friend find layers to keep her warm in England this year. And it started out harmlessly enough, and I was doing good... until we went into Sephora. If you don't know, that's a make-up store. A HUGE store wall to wall full of beauty products. It was my mistake really. I asked if we could go in. Then once I was in I remembered that I mostly don't wear make-up, and when I do I feel like I never really do a good job. And soon I began to feel really really bad about myself. Which put me into a poopy mood.
(Number One rule of Mall shopping: NEVER go feeling poopy. You ALWAYS make sure you look your hottest. Here is why... Pretend you are a castle. A Castle's primary job is defense right? So when you build your castle you build extra high and thick walls so that when the enemy invariably comes to rough up your peasants, steal your gold, and make off with your lady friend, it takes them a lot more time, effort, and supplies to accomplish that. If the Mall is your enemy, and you are the castle, then your confidence in your hotness is your walls. Without a strong and firm belief in your attractiveness, your walls will crumble and the enemy will get you.)
So after that, I was drowning in shallow pathetic-ness (and sadly the hubs was not there to shamelessly make out with me in public to make me feel better.) The last stop of the day was the MAC booth in Macy's. My friend wanted to get some awesome Mascara for looking hot in England, and while she was at it, she decided she wanted to invest in a nice lipstick. Now important to this story is knowing that my friend is Ethnic. She is Chexian, which if you don't know, is half Chinese and half Mexican. And she is a HOTTIE! We still have arguments with each other about who is prettier (her saying me, and me saying her... I'm right.) So because she can't find a lipstick that she thinks is nice on her own, she asks the MAC lady (who is white). Only it turns out that the MAC lady is no help, and my friend begins to feel more and more frustrated. Finally when the lady walks off to go help someone else, my friend mutters "White people have no idea what to do with brown skin."
Man, I felt so bad for her. All she wanted was to find a color that looked nice on her skin, and instead all she got was a whole lot of self doubt and feeling icky. I guess that's something I don't think about, which is probably because I think people with brown skin are so lucky. But most make-up IS designed for white people, and most people probably AREN'T trained to know how to do make-up on people with brown skin. So even though walking into a make-up store might make me feel bad about myself because I don't wear make-up and don't look perfect 90% of the time, at least finding make-up that works on me would be super easy. So in conclusion... Malls are stupid, make-up is even stupider, and all skin tones are beautiful, especially my friend's. MAC should get with the program, because they have no business making someone as gorgeous as her feel bad about themselves.
Isn't she stunning? I love her!
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
White People Wednesdays
I have learned that vacation is not conducive to blogging. So far, I have mostly managed to keep up with doing White People Wednesdays only. But now that I am now home (and I mean just home. Our plane landed in Anchorage this morning at 1:15. We left Anchorage somewhere around 2:30 or 3:00. Paused somewhere in Denali Park for a nap. And then napped again when we got to Nenana, and finally arrived home at 10:30am.) Bethany is sleepy and tired and cranky and hungry cause there ain't a lot of food in de house. So I'm gonna do a White People Wednesday post, visit a friend, and maybe take me a nap. Remember that you can view all the things that white people like by going to the website www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
#17: Hating their parents- I must admit that this is trend among many of my peers. And I have been occasionally guilty of complaining about my parents, especially when I was a teenager. But the truth is, I have great parents, and I love them. They were neither too strict nor too lax. They weren't perfect parents, but being human sort of makes that impossible for anyone to be a perfect parent.
#18: Awareness- Apparently, this is solving the worlds problem via awareness? This makes me think of a commercial I saw one time at the movies. It was celebrities talking about a disease. The kind where they film them one at a time in black and white, and they each list a statistic and try and make you care and donate money or something. And at the end, they revealed what the disease was... Influenza...aka the flu. I really thought it was a waste of commercial. They would have been better off making a commercial about AIDS or something. In the end, awareness brings light to a problem, but its only by doing we can fix things.
#19: Traveling- I LOVE TO TRAVEL! And I do both First and Third World. I have been to Canada (which I know doesn't really count), Mexico four times (three of which were NOT in resort towns), and Barbados. The hubs and I might go live in Japan for a year, and we are planning on visiting our friends in Scotland. Also, I love Airports. Even if I am not going anywhere I always get excited when i am in a Airport. I loves me some travel.
White Points: 11 (I counted awareness as half a point.)
Non-White Points: 7 (Remember I counted awareness as half a point.)
#17: Hating their parents- I must admit that this is trend among many of my peers. And I have been occasionally guilty of complaining about my parents, especially when I was a teenager. But the truth is, I have great parents, and I love them. They were neither too strict nor too lax. They weren't perfect parents, but being human sort of makes that impossible for anyone to be a perfect parent.
#18: Awareness- Apparently, this is solving the worlds problem via awareness? This makes me think of a commercial I saw one time at the movies. It was celebrities talking about a disease. The kind where they film them one at a time in black and white, and they each list a statistic and try and make you care and donate money or something. And at the end, they revealed what the disease was... Influenza...aka the flu. I really thought it was a waste of commercial. They would have been better off making a commercial about AIDS or something. In the end, awareness brings light to a problem, but its only by doing we can fix things.
#19: Traveling- I LOVE TO TRAVEL! And I do both First and Third World. I have been to Canada (which I know doesn't really count), Mexico four times (three of which were NOT in resort towns), and Barbados. The hubs and I might go live in Japan for a year, and we are planning on visiting our friends in Scotland. Also, I love Airports. Even if I am not going anywhere I always get excited when i am in a Airport. I loves me some travel.
White Points: 11 (I counted awareness as half a point.)
Non-White Points: 7 (Remember I counted awareness as half a point.)
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
White People Wednesdays
Holy Cow this week has been crazy! My mother and Grandmother are running me ragged. So far since last Wednesday, we have gone to a family reunion, hiked up a mountain to a lake, Jet boat toured the Rogue river (which led me and the hubs to come up with a SUPER AWESOME raft down the Rogue with a big group of people family vacation plan. Be jealous.), and drove to/hiked around and down to Crater Lake. Its been a lot, so pretty much I come back exhausted and then have to get up early again to go onto the next thing. Vacationing is hard work! On the upside, mi madre bought me (and also technically the hubs) a brand new camera for our anniversary!!! Since my old one was pretty much broken and crappy.
Here is a picture of the new one:
Its a beautiful plum color. You can't tell in this picture because my Grandparents have crappy lighting in their house and its dark. I've pretty much been lusting after this camera for something close to six months, and I'm pretty stoked that I have it. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), because it has 14 mega pixels I don't have enough ram on my computer for the pictures to behave properly, so now I have to upgrade my ram.
Anywho now it is Wednesday, and so once again its time to update the running tally on how White I am. Last week, white people points were barely in the lead! Remember that you can see the full list of stuff white people like on www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
#14: Having Black Friends- Oh jeez... I am so guilty of this one. I love having black friends. I think they are very cool and interesting, and have very pretty skin. And I admit, that maybe... just maybe... as an added side note, I feel like I appear less racist to OTHER black people if I have black friends. But mostly, mostly I like my black friends because they are very cool people. Sadly, I have this horrible horrible problem where when I talk to people who ethnically belong to a controversial issue (either in the present or the past), I feel compelled to talk about it. When I talk to German people, I want to talk about their thoughts on WW2, Hitler, and the holocaust. And when I talk to Black people, I want to talk about slavery. *Sigh* I have to work really hard keeping my stupid big mouth shut.
#15: Yoga- Here is my thing with Yoga... I think its a really fun and trendy thing to do. In my head taking weekly Yoga classes is a small part of my "perfect life" (which incidentally never included living in Alaska... hmmm). I did Yoga videos with my friend when I was living at her house and it was AWESOME! You totally felt better afterwards, like everything in your body was aligned or something. What I don't like about Yoga is how hard it is to find either a yoga class or a yoga video where they take the eastern spirituality out of it. I don't like the Hindu-y undertones (or really obvious overtones sometimes). It makes me feel spiritually squirmy... so instead I tend to do Pilates... or Zumba!!! But not gonna lie, LOVE the way I feel after doing Yoga. Also, I love my Yoga pants. (they currently have holes in them. I need to go to American Apparel while I'm in the lower 48 and get a new pair.)
#16: "Gifted" Children- Well, I agree. This is a trend among white people. But as I do not have any children yet, I cannot go on and on about how gifted they are. Though I am absolutely positive that they will be gifted, and here is why. I was a gifted child. That's right. I'm special, and I don't mean in an ED sort of way. I started talking at 9 months. I started walking at 10 months. And by age 4 I could read a book all by myself. And I don't mean I memorized a book that I liked a lot (I did that when I was two). No, I mean, you hand me a book I had never read before, and I could read it. Granted, I may not have been reading at a Junior High Level at that point, but I could read. On a side note I was reading at a college level in Junior High. Oh boy I love bragging! See, so I was gifted. I'm sure my children will be gifted. And even if they aren't OBVIOUSLY gifted, I will find something for them to be gifted about, because lets be honest, good parents always find something their kids do to brag about. I will be no exception.
Well that all puts white people stuffs in the lead... so much for a neck and neck race.
White Points: 9.5
Non-White Points: 5.5
Here is a picture of my legs blinding people when exposed to direct sunlight. It was taken with my new camera! :)
Very sad side note: This is after my legs have been sunburned three of four times in the last week. And they are STILL white. I hope all of my children are born with my hubby's skin genes. He tans.
Here is a picture of the new one:
Its a beautiful plum color. You can't tell in this picture because my Grandparents have crappy lighting in their house and its dark. I've pretty much been lusting after this camera for something close to six months, and I'm pretty stoked that I have it. Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), because it has 14 mega pixels I don't have enough ram on my computer for the pictures to behave properly, so now I have to upgrade my ram.
Anywho now it is Wednesday, and so once again its time to update the running tally on how White I am. Last week, white people points were barely in the lead! Remember that you can see the full list of stuff white people like on www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com.
#14: Having Black Friends- Oh jeez... I am so guilty of this one. I love having black friends. I think they are very cool and interesting, and have very pretty skin. And I admit, that maybe... just maybe... as an added side note, I feel like I appear less racist to OTHER black people if I have black friends. But mostly, mostly I like my black friends because they are very cool people. Sadly, I have this horrible horrible problem where when I talk to people who ethnically belong to a controversial issue (either in the present or the past), I feel compelled to talk about it. When I talk to German people, I want to talk about their thoughts on WW2, Hitler, and the holocaust. And when I talk to Black people, I want to talk about slavery. *Sigh* I have to work really hard keeping my stupid big mouth shut.
#15: Yoga- Here is my thing with Yoga... I think its a really fun and trendy thing to do. In my head taking weekly Yoga classes is a small part of my "perfect life" (which incidentally never included living in Alaska... hmmm). I did Yoga videos with my friend when I was living at her house and it was AWESOME! You totally felt better afterwards, like everything in your body was aligned or something. What I don't like about Yoga is how hard it is to find either a yoga class or a yoga video where they take the eastern spirituality out of it. I don't like the Hindu-y undertones (or really obvious overtones sometimes). It makes me feel spiritually squirmy... so instead I tend to do Pilates... or Zumba!!! But not gonna lie, LOVE the way I feel after doing Yoga. Also, I love my Yoga pants. (they currently have holes in them. I need to go to American Apparel while I'm in the lower 48 and get a new pair.)
#16: "Gifted" Children- Well, I agree. This is a trend among white people. But as I do not have any children yet, I cannot go on and on about how gifted they are. Though I am absolutely positive that they will be gifted, and here is why. I was a gifted child. That's right. I'm special, and I don't mean in an ED sort of way. I started talking at 9 months. I started walking at 10 months. And by age 4 I could read a book all by myself. And I don't mean I memorized a book that I liked a lot (I did that when I was two). No, I mean, you hand me a book I had never read before, and I could read it. Granted, I may not have been reading at a Junior High Level at that point, but I could read. On a side note I was reading at a college level in Junior High. Oh boy I love bragging! See, so I was gifted. I'm sure my children will be gifted. And even if they aren't OBVIOUSLY gifted, I will find something for them to be gifted about, because lets be honest, good parents always find something their kids do to brag about. I will be no exception.
Well that all puts white people stuffs in the lead... so much for a neck and neck race.
White Points: 9.5
Non-White Points: 5.5
Here is a picture of my legs blinding people when exposed to direct sunlight. It was taken with my new camera! :)
Very sad side note: This is after my legs have been sunburned three of four times in the last week. And they are STILL white. I hope all of my children are born with my hubby's skin genes. He tans.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Sunburn, My Old Friend
Its been a while since I saw you last,
And frankly I was glad
to think that you had left for good.
I was certain that you had.
I'd thought I'd learned to keep you out,
a life that's UV free.
Instead I find you snuck back in.
Why can't you leave me be?
So now I've gone from white to red,
a lobster in the pot.
My cells are mutating as we speak.
IS THAT CANCER OR A SPOT?!?!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
White People Wednesdays
So very very tired! Arrived today in Oregon, which I think is a White People Mecca. It seems to me that lots of white people live here anyway. I came this close (I guess you can't see how close this close is... pinch together your thumb and forefinger, now slightly separate them. That close.) to not posting today. But I guess as you can see, I'm doing it anyway, so here goes. Last I checked, we had just finished number 9. Remember that you can view the entire list at www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com
#10: Wes Anderson movies- I have never ever seen a Wes Anderson movie. And I'm not about to start now! (I'm feeling white people rebellious today)
#11: Asian Girls- Oh gosh I just love Asian girls! Actually I'm lying... I do not have a weird thing for Asian girls. Though to be fair in this post, they admit that this one doesn't really pertain to white women, so maybe I won't count it. Which means I think today I will do four. (Though to be fair, I do know quite a few white guys who really do have a thing for asian women.)
#12: Non-Profit Organizations- I think that non-profits are good! I had an internship at a non-profit once for six months. Its nice to be able to help people without having to make sure they can pay you. And I admit, its does make you feel really good about yourself when you can help out the disadvantaged. (Of course, on the other hand, I rarely every give homeless people cash. Most of the time because I don't carry cash. Oooh one time I had a case of Vanilla Coke and so I gave this homeless guy one. He seemed disappointed. But anyway, I do really like helping people, I guess I shouldn't worry about what the homeless are dong with my money.)
#13: Tea- I like green tea, and peppermint tea when I am sick. But mostly tea is just a big disappointment to me. Take apple flavored tea. It smells delicious, but when I drink it does NOT taste like apple cider. I would rather have apple cider, or coffee. Tea is not my preferred warm beverage.
White Points: 6.5
Non-White Points: 5.5
(remember, Asian girls do not count for me... because I am not a white male.)
#10: Wes Anderson movies- I have never ever seen a Wes Anderson movie. And I'm not about to start now! (I'm feeling white people rebellious today)
#11: Asian Girls- Oh gosh I just love Asian girls! Actually I'm lying... I do not have a weird thing for Asian girls. Though to be fair in this post, they admit that this one doesn't really pertain to white women, so maybe I won't count it. Which means I think today I will do four. (Though to be fair, I do know quite a few white guys who really do have a thing for asian women.)
#12: Non-Profit Organizations- I think that non-profits are good! I had an internship at a non-profit once for six months. Its nice to be able to help people without having to make sure they can pay you. And I admit, its does make you feel really good about yourself when you can help out the disadvantaged. (Of course, on the other hand, I rarely every give homeless people cash. Most of the time because I don't carry cash. Oooh one time I had a case of Vanilla Coke and so I gave this homeless guy one. He seemed disappointed. But anyway, I do really like helping people, I guess I shouldn't worry about what the homeless are dong with my money.)
#13: Tea- I like green tea, and peppermint tea when I am sick. But mostly tea is just a big disappointment to me. Take apple flavored tea. It smells delicious, but when I drink it does NOT taste like apple cider. I would rather have apple cider, or coffee. Tea is not my preferred warm beverage.
White Points: 6.5
Non-White Points: 5.5
(remember, Asian girls do not count for me... because I am not a white male.)
Friday, July 29, 2011
Racially Inappropriate Music
I mentioned in my first post that I like Hip Hop. And that's true. In fact, it is my music of choice. When I'm feeling particularly awesome, I like to blast my hip hop playlist in my iPod and dance around in my house. (I like to think that I look like Lil Mama dancing, but really I look more like... who is a really awkward white person trying to dance? Like them.) Not only do I like hip hop, I even enjoy some gangsta rap. I occasionally enjoy pretending to be a bit ghetto, and since I live in the frozen North there isn't really anyone to call me out on my B.S. Score!
But today, me, the hubs, and our friends were driving around town, and I thought to myself, "Self we need some music." Sadly, the stereo in our car does NOT work. Even sadder, the wiring behind the stereo is so screwed up, only a professional will be able to fix it. So our current sound system is my iPod plugged into small purple portable speakers. I love purple. Anywho, the first song that popped up on my iPod was Nelly's Grillz.
And my friend in the back goes, "Do you like Gangsta Rap?"
And I said, "Yes I do."
And he goes, "But your white..."
To which I replied, "Is that racial inappropriate for me to like Gangsta Rap? I also like Hip Hop." (But lets be honest, does Grillz count as Gangsta Rap? I'm not sure.)
Anywho, this got me thinking. What is white people music? I mean, clearly Country, but what else? So I googled 'White People Music", and one of the links I got was The Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love so of course I had to click on it. And I will now list all the songs on that list and tell you whether or not I actually like them.
#1: Positive K- I Got A Man... I've never actually heard this song, and I'm not going to start now! So there!
#2: Digital Underground- The Humpty Dance... I'm not sure I have heard this song. And I am too lazy to youtube it.
#3: Biz Markie- Just A Friend... Also, haven't heard this one. Though to be fair, it came out in 1989. The year I was born, and my parents weren't really into rap at the time. (They aren't really into rap now. In fact, my Dad only listens to Public Radio. Thank God I'm not THAT white.)
#4: Young MC- Bust A Move... Hey I know this one! Yay! But I wouldn't call this one of my favorite.
#5: Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock- It Takes Two... hahaha seriously, I have no idea what half these songs are!
#6: Naughty By Nature- Hip Hop Hooray... Yup! You guessed it! I have no idea WHAT that song is.
#7: Tag Team- Whoomp (There it is)... YAY! Another one I have heard of!!! And I admit, I do love it. It is super fun to sing along to. So sue me.
#8:Vanilla Ice- Ice Ice Baby... Its on my iPod. But I don't have all the lyrics memorized.
#9: House of Pain- Jump Around... Nope, don't know this one either.
#10: Sir Mix-a-lot- Baby Got Back... Yes this is on my iPod. Yes I LOVE dancing to this song. And yes, I do have the whole thing memorized. In fact, this is the ringtone for one of my dearest friends because every time I hear it, I think of her.
So, that's four songs I know. This list is stupid and outdated. Clearly the person who wrote this, has not talked to white people who were born in the late 80s and grew up in the 90s/early 2000s. Also, I learned that the googles fail when it comes to googling white people music. Clearly this topic requires more research. Maybe I'll take a poll. The Book of Face will not fail me! More on this subject later!
But today, me, the hubs, and our friends were driving around town, and I thought to myself, "Self we need some music." Sadly, the stereo in our car does NOT work. Even sadder, the wiring behind the stereo is so screwed up, only a professional will be able to fix it. So our current sound system is my iPod plugged into small purple portable speakers. I love purple. Anywho, the first song that popped up on my iPod was Nelly's Grillz.
And my friend in the back goes, "Do you like Gangsta Rap?"
And I said, "Yes I do."
And he goes, "But your white..."
To which I replied, "Is that racial inappropriate for me to like Gangsta Rap? I also like Hip Hop." (But lets be honest, does Grillz count as Gangsta Rap? I'm not sure.)
Anywho, this got me thinking. What is white people music? I mean, clearly Country, but what else? So I googled 'White People Music", and one of the links I got was The Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love so of course I had to click on it. And I will now list all the songs on that list and tell you whether or not I actually like them.
#1: Positive K- I Got A Man... I've never actually heard this song, and I'm not going to start now! So there!
#2: Digital Underground- The Humpty Dance... I'm not sure I have heard this song. And I am too lazy to youtube it.
#3: Biz Markie- Just A Friend... Also, haven't heard this one. Though to be fair, it came out in 1989. The year I was born, and my parents weren't really into rap at the time. (They aren't really into rap now. In fact, my Dad only listens to Public Radio. Thank God I'm not THAT white.)
#4: Young MC- Bust A Move... Hey I know this one! Yay! But I wouldn't call this one of my favorite.
#5: Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock- It Takes Two... hahaha seriously, I have no idea what half these songs are!
#6: Naughty By Nature- Hip Hop Hooray... Yup! You guessed it! I have no idea WHAT that song is.
#7: Tag Team- Whoomp (There it is)... YAY! Another one I have heard of!!! And I admit, I do love it. It is super fun to sing along to. So sue me.
#8:Vanilla Ice- Ice Ice Baby... Its on my iPod. But I don't have all the lyrics memorized.
#9: House of Pain- Jump Around... Nope, don't know this one either.
#10: Sir Mix-a-lot- Baby Got Back... Yes this is on my iPod. Yes I LOVE dancing to this song. And yes, I do have the whole thing memorized. In fact, this is the ringtone for one of my dearest friends because every time I hear it, I think of her.
So, that's four songs I know. This list is stupid and outdated. Clearly the person who wrote this, has not talked to white people who were born in the late 80s and grew up in the 90s/early 2000s. Also, I learned that the googles fail when it comes to googling white people music. Clearly this topic requires more research. Maybe I'll take a poll. The Book of Face will not fail me! More on this subject later!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
White People Wednesdays
Once again, once again, its time to see how White I am, not just in skin tone (cause we all know that's not arguable at all), but in personality and culture. Remember you can view the whole list here at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/
#7: Diversity- In this post they say white people only like diversity when it comes to restaurants. And I admit, one of the things I do not like about living in Alaska is the lack of cultural diversity when it comes to food. And I guess living in a state where pretty much everybody is either White or Native Alaskan isn't super diverse. But I did grow up in Southern California where there are lots of ethnic diversity. On the other hand, I grew up in an upscale mostly white people kind of community. Hmmm... this one is tough... GAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! And I guess given my choice, I would raise my family in a nice upscale community, but I don't think I would pick somewhere just because there were a lot of white people. Ok, I think I'm gonna count this one. Decision MADE!
#8: Barack Obama- No. No I do not care for Obama. I don't hate him. I didn't vote for him, and while I think he is very charismatic, I don't think he is an exceptional president. I hope the republicans can come up with a decent candidate for 2012 so that Obama doesn't get reelected.
#9: Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside- Oh jeeze... I make MYSELF feel bad about not going outside. I love being outside! I always feel so great if I spend time outside... going for a walk, or hiking, or swimming, or camping, or whatever. However, I am a lazy bum, and I often just don't bother doing anything about it. Which is stupid, because I should be taking advantage of the light and the warmth while it lasts. So I guess, I qualify for this one, because I do it to myself... sigh... I should really go for a hike...
White Points: 5.5
Non-White Points: 3.5
To make me feel better, here is a picture of me hiking:
Actually, this picture does not make me feel better. I look like a retard. My friend said I looked like a "Craptar" which I guess is what a retard Velociraptor would look like...
#7: Diversity- In this post they say white people only like diversity when it comes to restaurants. And I admit, one of the things I do not like about living in Alaska is the lack of cultural diversity when it comes to food. And I guess living in a state where pretty much everybody is either White or Native Alaskan isn't super diverse. But I did grow up in Southern California where there are lots of ethnic diversity. On the other hand, I grew up in an upscale mostly white people kind of community. Hmmm... this one is tough... GAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! And I guess given my choice, I would raise my family in a nice upscale community, but I don't think I would pick somewhere just because there were a lot of white people. Ok, I think I'm gonna count this one. Decision MADE!
#8: Barack Obama- No. No I do not care for Obama. I don't hate him. I didn't vote for him, and while I think he is very charismatic, I don't think he is an exceptional president. I hope the republicans can come up with a decent candidate for 2012 so that Obama doesn't get reelected.
#9: Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside- Oh jeeze... I make MYSELF feel bad about not going outside. I love being outside! I always feel so great if I spend time outside... going for a walk, or hiking, or swimming, or camping, or whatever. However, I am a lazy bum, and I often just don't bother doing anything about it. Which is stupid, because I should be taking advantage of the light and the warmth while it lasts. So I guess, I qualify for this one, because I do it to myself... sigh... I should really go for a hike...
White Points: 5.5
Non-White Points: 3.5
To make me feel better, here is a picture of me hiking:
Actually, this picture does not make me feel better. I look like a retard. My friend said I looked like a "Craptar" which I guess is what a retard Velociraptor would look like...
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
AHA!
I've found something where having white skin is better than having dark skin! I'm really not trying to be racist here... I'm not really a racist type person. And in fact, I often wish my skin was darker. I'm so white I blind people at the beach!
SEE?!?! (We were making Sand Castles... it was AWESOME! Except for the part where my tan looked white compared to everyone else's white...)
The truth is I was born a century late or something. Just my luck that my freakishly pale skin would have made me so smokin' Hot in the early 1900s... sigh. I hope all of my children are born with my husbands skin. He tans.
Anyway, in most things I tend to think having dark skin is way better than having white skin. You don't burn in the sun. You tan. You are less likely to get skin cancer (at least I think you are, I don't really know. I haven't done the research.) You can wear Orange! I love orange as a color. Not construction worker orange, but pretty much any other shade of orange, like pumpkin or tangerine or burnt sienna (or is that brown? I can never remember). Anyway, I have to stick with cool colors. Dark ones in particular look nice on me... the jewel tones you know. I can wear red... if its the blue based sort of red... like cranberry. And occasionally I find a yellow I can pull off, but never an orange. And I so wish I could wear orange... if only I had darker skin.. sigh.
Wow this blog post is getting off topic. The point is... there is one area I have found where having light skin is better than having dark skin and that is... TATTOOS!!!
I love tattoos. I think that they can really be works of art. And so in this one area I am thankful that I am freakishly translucently pale (Did I mention I turn blue and purple when I am cold? True Story.) Here is why:
White Girl with Tattoo:
Please note that this is not me. I am not brave enough to get a tattoo this big in an area that will most certainly stretch out during pregnancy.
Black Guy with Tattoo:
See? It doesn't pop so much.
So in the end, sure I burn like a lobster when exposed to sunlight for more than five minutes. Sure I'm freckle-y on my arms and shoulders. And I'm almost guaranteed to get skin cancer thanks to previously mentioned burns and a long family history. But at least there is one thing to be thankful for about my freakishly pale skin (thanks Irish ancestors!) All of my tattoos pop on my skin. (I have two of them in case you are wondering.) Which I guess means I should get more of them? Heeheehee!
Here is a picture of me looking whiter than other white people (and one or two Asian people). There really is no hope for me.
SEE?!?! (We were making Sand Castles... it was AWESOME! Except for the part where my tan looked white compared to everyone else's white...)
The truth is I was born a century late or something. Just my luck that my freakishly pale skin would have made me so smokin' Hot in the early 1900s... sigh. I hope all of my children are born with my husbands skin. He tans.
Anyway, in most things I tend to think having dark skin is way better than having white skin. You don't burn in the sun. You tan. You are less likely to get skin cancer (at least I think you are, I don't really know. I haven't done the research.) You can wear Orange! I love orange as a color. Not construction worker orange, but pretty much any other shade of orange, like pumpkin or tangerine or burnt sienna (or is that brown? I can never remember). Anyway, I have to stick with cool colors. Dark ones in particular look nice on me... the jewel tones you know. I can wear red... if its the blue based sort of red... like cranberry. And occasionally I find a yellow I can pull off, but never an orange. And I so wish I could wear orange... if only I had darker skin.. sigh.
Wow this blog post is getting off topic. The point is... there is one area I have found where having light skin is better than having dark skin and that is... TATTOOS!!!
I love tattoos. I think that they can really be works of art. And so in this one area I am thankful that I am freakishly translucently pale (Did I mention I turn blue and purple when I am cold? True Story.) Here is why:
White Girl with Tattoo:
Please note that this is not me. I am not brave enough to get a tattoo this big in an area that will most certainly stretch out during pregnancy.
Black Guy with Tattoo:
See? It doesn't pop so much.
So in the end, sure I burn like a lobster when exposed to sunlight for more than five minutes. Sure I'm freckle-y on my arms and shoulders. And I'm almost guaranteed to get skin cancer thanks to previously mentioned burns and a long family history. But at least there is one thing to be thankful for about my freakishly pale skin (thanks Irish ancestors!) All of my tattoos pop on my skin. (I have two of them in case you are wondering.) Which I guess means I should get more of them? Heeheehee!
Here is a picture of me looking whiter than other white people (and one or two Asian people). There really is no hope for me.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Soy is Evil!!! And other things that "scare" me
Is it just me, or do white people (which as we all know includes me) tend to get on a "this particular food item is evil kick"? For one of my friends, its hydrogenated stuff. She buys natural peanut butter. Freaked out when she saw me put Crisco in my pie crust (I offered to put lard in instead, but I don't think she liked that idea very much either). She does seem to have a blind spot when it comes to Nutella though... True story, Nutella is not healthy, but because it has hazelnuts in it I like to pretend it is. ANYWHO I too have a "particular food item that is evil". And that is SOY.
Not this soy... this soy is Edamame and it is DELICIOUS!!! Especially on sushi nights at home... yummy! And its good for you. No, what I am talking about is Genetically Modified Soy. See, the US is the number one grower of soy (not China! I know... I was surprised too. But China comes in second so you weren't far off.) And MOST of it is genetically modified, which basically means they take some foods DNA and shove some forgein DNA stuff to make them do things they wouldn't normally do. Wikipedia lists one example of a pig that was genetically modified to produce Omega-3 Fatty Acids by adding a specific gene of a roundworm... which looks like this:
Do wanna hurl too? Good. Anyway, the soy is modified by adding a bacteria that makes them resistant to a certain kind of herbicide.... which I guess makes it possible for them to grow it in huge amounts without them worrying about dying or whatever. Hence, the US being the biggest Soy producer in the world. Now the scariest bits: When fed to Hamsters, in three generations the hamsters were mostly unable to reproduce. Those that did, had really messed up babies that wound up dying!!! So needless to say after reading that genetically modified soy freaked me out. So I though to myself, I'll just avoid things with soy products! But here is the problem... SOY IS IN EVERYTHING!
Its in Pop Tarts!
Its in Chocolate!
Its in the Powerbars I love to eat!
Its in soooo many things!!!! Almost everything has some form of soy in it!!! This really just makes me wanna cry. I love pop tarts!!! So maybe I'll just keep eating things with GM Soy and pretend they don't have it. Its like plugging your ears and going "lalalalalala I can't hear you" but with your eyes... or maybe your stomach... Or maybe I'll just start hating hydrogenated things instead, because that would be a bit easier to avoid.
Not this soy... this soy is Edamame and it is DELICIOUS!!! Especially on sushi nights at home... yummy! And its good for you. No, what I am talking about is Genetically Modified Soy. See, the US is the number one grower of soy (not China! I know... I was surprised too. But China comes in second so you weren't far off.) And MOST of it is genetically modified, which basically means they take some foods DNA and shove some forgein DNA stuff to make them do things they wouldn't normally do. Wikipedia lists one example of a pig that was genetically modified to produce Omega-3 Fatty Acids by adding a specific gene of a roundworm... which looks like this:
Do wanna hurl too? Good. Anyway, the soy is modified by adding a bacteria that makes them resistant to a certain kind of herbicide.... which I guess makes it possible for them to grow it in huge amounts without them worrying about dying or whatever. Hence, the US being the biggest Soy producer in the world. Now the scariest bits: When fed to Hamsters, in three generations the hamsters were mostly unable to reproduce. Those that did, had really messed up babies that wound up dying!!! So needless to say after reading that genetically modified soy freaked me out. So I though to myself, I'll just avoid things with soy products! But here is the problem... SOY IS IN EVERYTHING!
Its in Pop Tarts!
Its in Chocolate!
Its in the Powerbars I love to eat!
Its in soooo many things!!!! Almost everything has some form of soy in it!!! This really just makes me wanna cry. I love pop tarts!!! So maybe I'll just keep eating things with GM Soy and pretend they don't have it. Its like plugging your ears and going "lalalalalala I can't hear you" but with your eyes... or maybe your stomach... Or maybe I'll just start hating hydrogenated things instead, because that would be a bit easier to avoid.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
White People Wednesdays
Ahhhh another week... another Wednesday... And once again its time to see how White I really am using the list from www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. Last week the score was 2 to 1 in favor of being WHITE! And as I sit here hoping that for some reason the Lifetime Movie about JK Rowling's life will be playing (or at least some Criminal Minds... OOOH ITS WEDNESDAY!!! That means I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant will be on tonight!!! Score!!!), I wonder if there is hope for me at all in the non-white department. And then I remember that I just found a Gryffindor Cardigan for $30 on the WB website that I WANT... so maybe not. (Now to convince the hubs that it will be a worth addition to my winter wardrobe...) Anyway, on to White people things...
#4: Assists- This is when White players in sports help black (or other ethnic peoples I guess) make those amazing shots by helping set up the shots maybe... or passing them the ball... or something? I don't really know. I only know, they don't actually make cool shots. The thing is (I don't know if you guessed) I don't play sports. I ran track and cross country in high school, but I didn't even play soccer growing up. I am not coordinated, also I am lazy and uncoordinated and don't like that feeling you get when you are out of shape and your chest hurts really bad because you ran around too much and your lungs can't handle it any more. On the other hand, I do like that feeling when your muscles are really sore and you can't really walk up or down stairs properly. Its sort of like playing russian rulette with stairs. Will my legs give out on me this time? I don't know!
#5: Farmers Markets- WE HAVE ONE IN FAIRBANKS!!! Which I was honestly really excited about, but the truth is... I haven't actually gone. I mean to, and then I remember that we are poor and can't afford vegetables. And then my friend Eva brings me stuff from her mom's greenhouse, and I'm like.. WHY WOULD I PAY FOR THIS WHEN I CAN GET IT FOR FREE?!?!? That being said, Farmer's markets are cool, and I would in fact go to the one here if I wasn't lazy or something like that. The article also mentions bringing your dog and your kids. If I had a dog or kids, I would totally bring them to the Farmer's market. I think its a great way to give them cool life experiences. The kids, not the dog. The dog could care less, except for the being outdoors bit and the walking around bit, which now that I think about it would be good for me. Maybe I should go to the Farmer's Market. Oooh, I could walk there and stop by the Falafel place for lunch!
#6: Organic Food- I don't buy Organic food. Here is why. Organic food is the same food as regular food, only without being sprayed with chemicals. Ok ok Chemicals are bad for you, but I just can't justify the price. I mean, the reason they cost more is because more bugs get to them and eat them all up, so there are less quality products to ship to the consumers and so they have to charge more to make sure that they are able to cover their losses caused by the lack of pesticides. But I'm not going to lie, every time I think about us having kids, I think "I'm gonna switch to organics once we have kids so that I don't put nasty chemicals in their bodies... also I'm going to make their own baby food and use cloth diapers and do home birth" Soo... um... clearly I'm pretty white when it comes to my children... that don't exist yet... Maybe this one should count as half and half.
White Points: 3.5
Non-White Points: 2.5
White-ness still reigning supreme in me.
Here is a picture of said cardigan which I will get my hands on, muahahahaha!
Awesome right?! I'll post a picture of me wearing it once I order it.
#4: Assists- This is when White players in sports help black (or other ethnic peoples I guess) make those amazing shots by helping set up the shots maybe... or passing them the ball... or something? I don't really know. I only know, they don't actually make cool shots. The thing is (I don't know if you guessed) I don't play sports. I ran track and cross country in high school, but I didn't even play soccer growing up. I am not coordinated, also I am lazy and uncoordinated and don't like that feeling you get when you are out of shape and your chest hurts really bad because you ran around too much and your lungs can't handle it any more. On the other hand, I do like that feeling when your muscles are really sore and you can't really walk up or down stairs properly. Its sort of like playing russian rulette with stairs. Will my legs give out on me this time? I don't know!
#5: Farmers Markets- WE HAVE ONE IN FAIRBANKS!!! Which I was honestly really excited about, but the truth is... I haven't actually gone. I mean to, and then I remember that we are poor and can't afford vegetables. And then my friend Eva brings me stuff from her mom's greenhouse, and I'm like.. WHY WOULD I PAY FOR THIS WHEN I CAN GET IT FOR FREE?!?!? That being said, Farmer's markets are cool, and I would in fact go to the one here if I wasn't lazy or something like that. The article also mentions bringing your dog and your kids. If I had a dog or kids, I would totally bring them to the Farmer's market. I think its a great way to give them cool life experiences. The kids, not the dog. The dog could care less, except for the being outdoors bit and the walking around bit, which now that I think about it would be good for me. Maybe I should go to the Farmer's Market. Oooh, I could walk there and stop by the Falafel place for lunch!
#6: Organic Food- I don't buy Organic food. Here is why. Organic food is the same food as regular food, only without being sprayed with chemicals. Ok ok Chemicals are bad for you, but I just can't justify the price. I mean, the reason they cost more is because more bugs get to them and eat them all up, so there are less quality products to ship to the consumers and so they have to charge more to make sure that they are able to cover their losses caused by the lack of pesticides. But I'm not going to lie, every time I think about us having kids, I think "I'm gonna switch to organics once we have kids so that I don't put nasty chemicals in their bodies... also I'm going to make their own baby food and use cloth diapers and do home birth" Soo... um... clearly I'm pretty white when it comes to my children... that don't exist yet... Maybe this one should count as half and half.
White Points: 3.5
Non-White Points: 2.5
White-ness still reigning supreme in me.
Here is a picture of said cardigan which I will get my hands on, muahahahaha!
Awesome right?! I'll post a picture of me wearing it once I order it.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Date Yoself!
I like going on dates with my husband. Te amo mucho gusto! (Any body speak spanish? Did I say that right? My Spanglish is a little rusty.) But that is not what this blog is about. This is about me being White. And one of the white girl things I like to do (which I recommend ALL girls do despite their ethnicity), is have Girl Dates BY MYSELF! That's right. No boys, no girls, no people, just you. You may be saying, WHAT?!? Whats the point of dates without making out (in the case of with boys), or a be-otch fest (in the case of with girls)? But you would be wrong, because the point of this date is magic. One person magic, and no... I don't mean one person and their (insert inappropriate paraphenalia here).
This Is what you need:
- a bath tub (all houses come with this, so it shouldn't be a problem, unless you are a bum, in which case I would question why you were on the internet in the first place? Are you updating your facebook status? "Fought a squirrel for a bag of chips today and totally kicked tail... EPIC WIN!" No I don't think so.)
- Bubble bath (mine is jasmine and white tea scented. its light and yummy, and totally looks like a grown up would use it. if you want to use disney princess or dora the explorer bubble bath thats cool with me, but you better have kids or else the people who see your shower... or snoop in your cabinents... whatever the case may be, are going to think weird things about you.)
-Hot Water (this is my trick. get in the bathtub when it is empty. sit like bathtub is full. turn on water to HOT. sit in bathtub until it is full. that way, you sllooooowwwlllyy acclimate to the hottest water you can stand. If you are sitting in the bathtub and sweating, you have achieved maximum hotness.)
- A glass of wine (before I could drink I often substituted this with Orange Juice... and I imagine a smoothie would go well here. The point it, you want something cold, fruity, and delicious. Some people would like to substitute diet coke, and I would tell them that the aspertame they are ingesting in large quantities is going to give them lupus. But then again, I am white, and I buy into things like that.)
-Brie cheese (that's right, snobby french cheese. I like snobby cheese. I like talking about how Brie is one of my favorite of all cheese, second only to Tillamook cheddar cheese. Which we all know is the only cheddar worth buying. Anyway, back to Brie. I recommend you cheat and get the kind that comes without the rind cause its easier to spread.)
-Crackers (NO RITZ! These have to be snobby thin crackers. The kind that cost four to five bucks a pop. You are on a date remember? I recommend ones with poppy seed, unless you have a drug test in the morning.)
Example of snobby crackers
-Entertainment (For the longest time this was a book, but I discovered if I brought a chair into the bathroom I could set my laptop on it and watch Netflix!!!!!! So I often do that now... something really girly.)
Now take a plate and cover with crackers. Cover crackers with brie cheese. Pour yourself glass of wine or whatever (diet coke kills!). Grab entertainment. Go to bathroom. Set snack and drink within easy reaching distance of you in tub. Place book in same place, or if you prefer the netflix route, get that all set up. Get in tub. Begin to run hot water. Pour a ton of bubble bath into running water. Fill tub. Eat snobby french food, relax in your very own sauna, enjoy your entertainment, and feel relaxed and superior to ALL THE WORLD!!!
Recommended dose: Once a month...
That's how I do.
This Is what you need:
- a bath tub (all houses come with this, so it shouldn't be a problem, unless you are a bum, in which case I would question why you were on the internet in the first place? Are you updating your facebook status? "Fought a squirrel for a bag of chips today and totally kicked tail... EPIC WIN!" No I don't think so.)
- Bubble bath (mine is jasmine and white tea scented. its light and yummy, and totally looks like a grown up would use it. if you want to use disney princess or dora the explorer bubble bath thats cool with me, but you better have kids or else the people who see your shower... or snoop in your cabinents... whatever the case may be, are going to think weird things about you.)
-Hot Water (this is my trick. get in the bathtub when it is empty. sit like bathtub is full. turn on water to HOT. sit in bathtub until it is full. that way, you sllooooowwwlllyy acclimate to the hottest water you can stand. If you are sitting in the bathtub and sweating, you have achieved maximum hotness.)
- A glass of wine (before I could drink I often substituted this with Orange Juice... and I imagine a smoothie would go well here. The point it, you want something cold, fruity, and delicious. Some people would like to substitute diet coke, and I would tell them that the aspertame they are ingesting in large quantities is going to give them lupus. But then again, I am white, and I buy into things like that.)
-Brie cheese (that's right, snobby french cheese. I like snobby cheese. I like talking about how Brie is one of my favorite of all cheese, second only to Tillamook cheddar cheese. Which we all know is the only cheddar worth buying. Anyway, back to Brie. I recommend you cheat and get the kind that comes without the rind cause its easier to spread.)
-Crackers (NO RITZ! These have to be snobby thin crackers. The kind that cost four to five bucks a pop. You are on a date remember? I recommend ones with poppy seed, unless you have a drug test in the morning.)
Example of snobby crackers
-Entertainment (For the longest time this was a book, but I discovered if I brought a chair into the bathroom I could set my laptop on it and watch Netflix!!!!!! So I often do that now... something really girly.)
Now take a plate and cover with crackers. Cover crackers with brie cheese. Pour yourself glass of wine or whatever (diet coke kills!). Grab entertainment. Go to bathroom. Set snack and drink within easy reaching distance of you in tub. Place book in same place, or if you prefer the netflix route, get that all set up. Get in tub. Begin to run hot water. Pour a ton of bubble bath into running water. Fill tub. Eat snobby french food, relax in your very own sauna, enjoy your entertainment, and feel relaxed and superior to ALL THE WORLD!!!
Recommended dose: Once a month...
That's how I do.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
White People Wednesdays
I have decided to get a good grip on exactly how white I really am! So I have decided to make White People Wednesdays, where every Wednesday I work my way through the Stuff White People Like list and keep a running totally of how white (or not white) that I am. To see the website I am getting this list from, look here: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/
#1: Coffee- Ok I'll admit. I love coffee. I love Starbucks coffee. In fact... I have Starbucks swag.
See? Totally loves me my Starbucks AND I'm helping the environment. And while I don't buy Organic Fair Trade Coffee like the article suggests I will (Lets be honest, its only because the hubs is a poor college student), I do buy coffee in bean form and grind it up fresh each day. I also buy it in bulk from Sam's Club... cause its cheaper. And my greatest coffee lament, is that Starbucks only has peppermint lattes during the Christmas season. I would buy that carp year round!
#2: Religions That Their Parents Don't Belong To- Well... last time I checked, both of my parents raised me to love Jesus. Which means they heart the bible... and last time I checked, I haz Jesus. So I'm just gonna say, despite a short time in my early adolescence where I dabbled about, I like the religion my parents belong to. But on the other hand... I'm more into relationship than religion! Muahahahahaha, but still... I loves Jesus.
#3: Film Festivals- I have never been to a film festival, but if you wanna invite me I will totally go because it sounds AWESOME! I love Indy films. Films with quirky characters. Films in a foreign language. Films the ambiguous endings. Films with long pauses between dialogue. Also, like the article suggests, I have indeed taken a film class. And I loved it.
White Points: 2
Non-White Points: 1
Still White? I think so.
This is me being relieved that should the Apocalypse happen, I can rely on jeeps to get me around after the end of the world.
#1: Coffee- Ok I'll admit. I love coffee. I love Starbucks coffee. In fact... I have Starbucks swag.
See? Totally loves me my Starbucks AND I'm helping the environment. And while I don't buy Organic Fair Trade Coffee like the article suggests I will (Lets be honest, its only because the hubs is a poor college student), I do buy coffee in bean form and grind it up fresh each day. I also buy it in bulk from Sam's Club... cause its cheaper. And my greatest coffee lament, is that Starbucks only has peppermint lattes during the Christmas season. I would buy that carp year round!
#2: Religions That Their Parents Don't Belong To- Well... last time I checked, both of my parents raised me to love Jesus. Which means they heart the bible... and last time I checked, I haz Jesus. So I'm just gonna say, despite a short time in my early adolescence where I dabbled about, I like the religion my parents belong to. But on the other hand... I'm more into relationship than religion! Muahahahahaha, but still... I loves Jesus.
#3: Film Festivals- I have never been to a film festival, but if you wanna invite me I will totally go because it sounds AWESOME! I love Indy films. Films with quirky characters. Films in a foreign language. Films the ambiguous endings. Films with long pauses between dialogue. Also, like the article suggests, I have indeed taken a film class. And I loved it.
White Points: 2
Non-White Points: 1
Still White? I think so.
This is me being relieved that should the Apocalypse happen, I can rely on jeeps to get me around after the end of the world.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Skidaddle-doodle and A Billion Other Phrases that will guarentee everyone will think you are a big dork...
I do not care what you think. Ok, that is a lie. I care what you think... LOVE ME! But anyway, the point is caring what you think of me has never stopped me from being my awesome and amazing self! And like all mega-cool people, I have my own vocabulary (which you may wish to copy as you begin to realize that you too can be as cool as I am). But because I wouldn't want to overload you with awesome, here are three words you can begin to use in order to become more and more like me aka really really white... I mean awesome.
Skiddadle-doodle: (verb... its what you do hahahahaha) To leave in a manner that suggests gaiety, air-headedness, child-like bliss, and purple sparkly retarded unicorns prancing inexplicably in mid-air.
Ex: Well I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to Skiddadle-doodle on home.
Carp!: (noun) While actually this is a fish that looks like this
I like to use this one as an explative instead of crap. Not only is is fun to say, but parents don't glare at you like you said the "s" word when you use it in front of their kids.
Ex: OH CARP! I totally forgot to pay the heating bill and its 40 below outside.
Riddikulus: (adjective) Originally the spell used to banish boggarts in Harry Potter, now used in place of the word ridiculous to describe a bizarre, unbelievable, or other wise ridiculous situation. In fact I have completely phased the word ridiculous out of my vocabulary, except apparently in this blog.
Skiddadle-doodle: (verb... its what you do hahahahaha) To leave in a manner that suggests gaiety, air-headedness, child-like bliss, and purple sparkly retarded unicorns prancing inexplicably in mid-air.
Ex: Well I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to Skiddadle-doodle on home.
Carp!: (noun) While actually this is a fish that looks like this
I like to use this one as an explative instead of crap. Not only is is fun to say, but parents don't glare at you like you said the "s" word when you use it in front of their kids.
Ex: OH CARP! I totally forgot to pay the heating bill and its 40 below outside.
Riddikulus: (adjective) Originally the spell used to banish boggarts in Harry Potter, now used in place of the word ridiculous to describe a bizarre, unbelievable, or other wise ridiculous situation. In fact I have completely phased the word ridiculous out of my vocabulary, except apparently in this blog.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I'm White... but here are some things about me that aren't
According to 100% of black people polled today (I'm two for two yay!)... I'm the 2nd Whitest Person They Know. Not because of any one instance, but apparently because I am so white in everything that I do, it simply oozes out of my pours. So I thought to myself, "hey! Maybe I'll start a blog about all the white stuff I do!" So I polled people on facebook (because lets be honest, I likes me some adoring fans), and a couple of people said "sure, why not." Which is enough of a fan base for me! So in honor of writing a blog about being really really white... I thought I'd list some things I do that are not white.
Here is a gratuitous picture of me pretending to live the thug life:
Pretty baller huh?
1. I do not like country music. Ok... I like maybe three country songs. Man I feel like a Woman by Shania Twain. Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson. And I'm Still A Guy by Brad Paisley. BUT THAT'S IT! (and maybe that one song by Rascal Flatts about singing a country song backwards because its funny... and also their version of life is a highway because its a fun song to listen to when you are driving, but really THATS IT)
2. I have rhythm... Amazingly, without ever taking a single dance lesson I can... kind of shake it a little bit. NO really! People aren't embaressed to take me to public places with a dance floor. I can shake that... and go low low low low low low low (and after that I may or may not fall over). But the point is I only do the Vegan Shopper, or the T-Rex (I invented it in High school... AWESOME!), or the Sprinkler if I feel like it. Not because I have to.
3. I loves me some hip-hop. Its my music of choice. I have a particular fondness for Missy Elliot... and for that matter T-Pain. And if I'm really honest, Lil Jon cracks me up. How the crap to you manage to get paid to stand in the back of music videos and only say your name AND GET PAID FOR IT!?!?!?! Say what you want, but that man is a genius.
4. I do not get drunk at parties and sluttily dance on tables. This is a very white girl thing to do. I do not do it. Hence why I am only the SECOND whitest girl you know.
5. See the above picture? I am spelling out blood with my fingers. I have gang-sign talented hands. I can also do latin kings if I concentrate really hard and try and remember that episode of Gangland I saw them featured on.
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6. I grew up kind of near L.A.and went there fairly regularly as I got older and I went to the hood in St. Louis once. There was some kind of freestylie rap community thingy going on in this park thingy. There were also cool old cars. I liked it.
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Ok I seem to have run out of things. I was really hoping this list would make it to ten. Apparently I am too white for that. At least I can say that I don't have a lower back tattoo. Then I would be The 2nd Whitest Trash Girl U Know. OMG I own crocs! Two pairs! I am white. So before this starts devolving into you finding out how white I really am, I will give you another gratuitous picture. This time of me being really cool.
Thankfully hair restoration has come a long way since this was taken four years ago, and I now have a full head of hair.
Here is a gratuitous picture of me pretending to live the thug life:
Pretty baller huh?
1. I do not like country music. Ok... I like maybe three country songs. Man I feel like a Woman by Shania Twain. Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson. And I'm Still A Guy by Brad Paisley. BUT THAT'S IT! (and maybe that one song by Rascal Flatts about singing a country song backwards because its funny... and also their version of life is a highway because its a fun song to listen to when you are driving, but really THATS IT)
2. I have rhythm... Amazingly, without ever taking a single dance lesson I can... kind of shake it a little bit. NO really! People aren't embaressed to take me to public places with a dance floor. I can shake that... and go low low low low low low low (and after that I may or may not fall over). But the point is I only do the Vegan Shopper, or the T-Rex (I invented it in High school... AWESOME!), or the Sprinkler if I feel like it. Not because I have to.
3. I loves me some hip-hop. Its my music of choice. I have a particular fondness for Missy Elliot... and for that matter T-Pain. And if I'm really honest, Lil Jon cracks me up. How the crap to you manage to get paid to stand in the back of music videos and only say your name AND GET PAID FOR IT!?!?!?! Say what you want, but that man is a genius.
4. I do not get drunk at parties and sluttily dance on tables. This is a very white girl thing to do. I do not do it. Hence why I am only the SECOND whitest girl you know.
5. See the above picture? I am spelling out blood with my fingers. I have gang-sign talented hands. I can also do latin kings if I concentrate really hard and try and remember that episode of Gangland I saw them featured on.
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6. I grew up kind of near L.A.and went there fairly regularly as I got older and I went to the hood in St. Louis once. There was some kind of freestylie rap community thingy going on in this park thingy. There were also cool old cars. I liked it.
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Ok I seem to have run out of things. I was really hoping this list would make it to ten. Apparently I am too white for that. At least I can say that I don't have a lower back tattoo. Then I would be The 2nd Whitest Trash Girl U Know. OMG I own crocs! Two pairs! I am white. So before this starts devolving into you finding out how white I really am, I will give you another gratuitous picture. This time of me being really cool.
Thankfully hair restoration has come a long way since this was taken four years ago, and I now have a full head of hair.
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