Racially Inappropriate Music

I mentioned in my first post that I like Hip Hop. And that's true. In fact, it is my music of choice. When I'm feeling particularly awesome, I like to blast my hip hop playlist in my iPod and dance around in my house. (I like to think that I look like Lil Mama dancing, but really I look more like... who is a really awkward white person trying to dance? Like them.) Not only do I like hip hop, I even enjoy some gangsta rap. I occasionally enjoy pretending to be a bit ghetto, and since I live in the frozen North there isn't really anyone to call me out on my B.S. Score!

But today, me, the hubs, and our friends were driving around town, and I thought to myself, "Self we need some music." Sadly, the stereo in our car does NOT work. Even sadder, the wiring behind the stereo is so screwed up, only a professional will be able to fix it. So our current sound system is my iPod plugged into small purple portable speakers. I love purple. Anywho, the first song that popped up on my iPod was Nelly's Grillz.

And my friend in the back goes, "Do you like Gangsta Rap?"
And I said, "Yes I do."
And he goes, "But your white..."
To which I replied, "Is that racial inappropriate for me to like Gangsta Rap? I also like Hip Hop." (But lets be honest, does Grillz count as Gangsta Rap? I'm not sure.)

Anywho, this got me thinking. What is white people music? I mean, clearly Country, but what else? So I googled 'White People Music", and one of the links I got was The Top 10 Rap Songs White People Love so of course I had to click on it. And I will now list all the songs on that list and tell you whether or not I actually like them.

#1: Positive K- I Got A Man... I've never actually heard this song, and I'm not going to start now! So there!
#2: Digital Underground- The Humpty Dance... I'm not sure I have heard this song. And I am too lazy to youtube it.
#3: Biz Markie- Just A Friend... Also, haven't heard this one. Though to be fair, it came out in 1989. The year I was born, and my parents weren't really into rap at the time. (They aren't really into rap now. In fact, my Dad only listens to Public Radio. Thank God I'm not THAT white.)
#4: Young MC- Bust A Move... Hey I know this one! Yay! But I wouldn't call this one of my favorite.
#5: Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock- It Takes Two... hahaha seriously, I have no idea what half these songs are!
#6: Naughty By Nature- Hip Hop Hooray... Yup! You guessed it! I have no idea WHAT that song is.
#7: Tag Team- Whoomp (There it is)... YAY! Another one I have heard of!!! And I admit, I do love it. It is super fun to sing along to. So sue me.
#8:Vanilla Ice- Ice Ice Baby... Its on my iPod. But I don't have all the lyrics memorized.
#9: House of Pain- Jump Around... Nope, don't know this one either.
#10: Sir Mix-a-lot- Baby Got Back... Yes this is on my iPod. Yes I LOVE dancing to this song. And yes, I do have the whole thing memorized. In fact, this is the ringtone for one of my dearest friends because every time I hear it, I think of her.

So, that's four songs I know. This list is stupid and outdated. Clearly the person who wrote this, has not talked to white people who were born in the late 80s and grew up in the 90s/early 2000s. Also, I learned that the googles fail when it comes to googling white people music. Clearly this topic requires more research. Maybe I'll take a poll. The Book of Face will not fail me! More on this subject later!

White People Wednesdays

Once again, once again, its time to see how White I am, not just in skin tone (cause we all know that's not arguable at all), but in personality and culture. Remember you can view the whole list here at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

#7: Diversity- In this post they say white people only like diversity when it comes to restaurants. And I admit, one of the things I do not like about living in Alaska is the lack of cultural diversity when it comes to food. And I guess living in a state where pretty much everybody is either White or Native Alaskan isn't super diverse. But I did grow up in Southern California where there are lots of ethnic diversity. On the other hand, I grew up in an upscale mostly white people kind of community. Hmmm... this one is tough... GAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!! And I guess given my choice, I would raise my family in a nice upscale community, but I don't think I would pick somewhere just because there were a lot of white people. Ok, I think I'm gonna count this one. Decision MADE!

#8: Barack Obama- No. No I do not care for Obama. I don't hate him. I didn't vote for him, and while I think he is very charismatic, I don't think he is an exceptional president. I hope the republicans can come up with a decent candidate for 2012 so that Obama doesn't get reelected.

#9: Making You Feel Bad About Not Going Outside- Oh jeeze... I make MYSELF feel bad about not going outside. I love being outside! I always feel so great if I spend time outside... going for a walk, or hiking, or swimming, or camping, or whatever. However, I am a lazy bum, and I often just don't bother doing anything about it. Which is stupid, because I should be taking advantage of the light and the warmth while it lasts. So I guess, I qualify for this one, because I do it to myself... sigh... I should really go for a hike...

White Points: 5.5
Non-White Points: 3.5

To make me feel better, here is a picture of me hiking:


Actually, this picture does not make me feel better. I look like a retard. My friend said I looked like a "Craptar" which I guess is what a retard Velociraptor would look like...

AHA!

I've found something where having white skin is better than having dark skin! I'm really not trying to be racist here... I'm not really a racist type person. And in fact, I often wish my skin was darker. I'm so white I blind people at the beach!


SEE?!?! (We were making Sand Castles... it was AWESOME! Except for the part where my tan looked white compared to everyone else's white...)

The truth is I was born a century late or something. Just my luck that my freakishly pale skin would have made me so smokin' Hot in the early 1900s... sigh. I hope all of my children are born with my husbands skin. He tans.

Anyway, in most things I tend to think having dark skin is way better than having white skin. You don't burn in the sun. You tan. You are less likely to get skin cancer (at least I think you are, I don't really know. I haven't done the research.) You can wear Orange! I love orange as a color. Not construction worker orange, but pretty much any other shade of orange, like pumpkin or tangerine or burnt sienna (or is that brown? I can never remember). Anyway, I have to stick with cool colors. Dark ones in particular look nice on me... the jewel tones you know. I can wear red... if its the blue based sort of red... like cranberry. And occasionally I find a yellow I can pull off, but never an orange. And I so wish I could wear orange... if only I had darker skin.. sigh.

Wow this blog post is getting off topic. The point is... there is one area I have found where having light skin is better than having dark skin and that is... TATTOOS!!!
I love tattoos. I think that they can really be works of art. And so in this one area I am thankful that I am freakishly translucently pale (Did I mention I turn blue and purple when I am cold? True Story.) Here is why:

White Girl with Tattoo:

Please note that this is not me. I am not brave enough to get a tattoo this big in an area that will most certainly stretch out during pregnancy.

Black Guy with Tattoo:

See? It doesn't pop so much.

So in the end, sure I burn like a lobster when exposed to sunlight for more than five minutes. Sure I'm freckle-y on my arms and shoulders. And I'm almost guaranteed to get skin cancer thanks to previously mentioned burns and a long family history. But at least there is one thing to be thankful for about my freakishly pale skin (thanks Irish ancestors!) All of my tattoos pop on my skin. (I have two of them in case you are wondering.) Which I guess means I should get more of them? Heeheehee!


Here is a picture of me looking whiter than other white people (and one or two Asian people). There really is no hope for me.

Soy is Evil!!! And other things that "scare" me

Is it just me, or do white people (which as we all know includes me) tend to get on a "this particular food item is evil kick"? For one of my friends, its hydrogenated stuff. She buys natural peanut butter. Freaked out when she saw me put Crisco in my pie crust (I offered to put lard in instead, but I don't think she liked that idea very much either). She does seem to have a blind spot when it comes to Nutella though... True story, Nutella is not healthy, but because it has hazelnuts in it I like to pretend it is. ANYWHO I too have a "particular food item that is evil". And that is SOY.



Not this soy... this soy is Edamame and it is DELICIOUS!!! Especially on sushi nights at home... yummy! And its good for you. No, what I am talking about is Genetically Modified Soy. See, the US is the number one grower of soy (not China! I know... I was surprised too. But China comes in second so you weren't far off.) And MOST of it is genetically modified, which basically means they take some foods DNA and shove some forgein DNA stuff to make them do things they wouldn't normally do. Wikipedia lists one example of a pig that was genetically modified to produce Omega-3 Fatty Acids by adding a specific gene of a roundworm... which looks like this:



Do wanna hurl too? Good. Anyway, the soy is modified by adding a bacteria that makes them resistant to a certain kind of herbicide.... which I guess makes it possible for them to grow it in huge amounts without them worrying about dying or whatever. Hence, the US being the biggest Soy producer in the world. Now the scariest bits: When fed to Hamsters, in three generations the hamsters were mostly unable to reproduce. Those that did, had really messed up babies that wound up dying!!! So needless to say after reading that genetically modified soy freaked me out. So I though to myself, I'll just avoid things with soy products! But here is the problem... SOY IS IN EVERYTHING!

Its in Pop Tarts!
Its in Chocolate!
Its in the Powerbars I love to eat!
Its in soooo many things!!!! Almost everything has some form of soy in it!!! This really just makes me wanna cry. I love pop tarts!!! So maybe I'll just keep eating things with GM Soy and pretend they don't have it. Its like plugging your ears and going "lalalalalala I can't hear you" but with your eyes... or maybe your stomach... Or maybe I'll just start hating hydrogenated things instead, because that would be a bit easier to avoid.

White People Wednesdays

Ahhhh another week... another Wednesday... And once again its time to see how White I really am using the list from www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. Last week the score was 2 to 1 in favor of being WHITE! And as I sit here hoping that for some reason the Lifetime Movie about JK Rowling's life will be playing (or at least some Criminal Minds... OOOH ITS WEDNESDAY!!! That means I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant will be on tonight!!! Score!!!), I wonder if there is hope for me at all in the non-white department. And then I remember that I just found a Gryffindor Cardigan for $30 on the WB website that I WANT... so maybe not. (Now to convince the hubs that it will be a worth addition to my winter wardrobe...) Anyway, on to White people things...

#4: Assists- This is when White players in sports help black (or other ethnic peoples I guess) make those amazing shots by helping set up the shots maybe... or passing them the ball... or something? I don't really know. I only know, they don't actually make cool shots. The thing is (I don't know if you guessed) I don't play sports. I ran track and cross country in high school, but I didn't even play soccer growing up. I am not coordinated, also I am lazy and uncoordinated and don't like that feeling you get when you are out of shape and your chest hurts really bad because you ran around too much and your lungs can't handle it any more. On the other hand, I do like that feeling when your muscles are really sore and you can't really walk up or down stairs properly. Its sort of like playing russian rulette with stairs. Will my legs give out on me this time? I don't know!

#5: Farmers Markets- WE HAVE ONE IN FAIRBANKS!!! Which I was honestly really excited about, but the truth is... I haven't actually gone. I mean to, and then I remember that we are poor and can't afford vegetables. And then my friend Eva brings me stuff from her mom's greenhouse, and I'm like.. WHY WOULD I PAY FOR THIS WHEN I CAN GET IT FOR FREE?!?!? That being said, Farmer's markets are cool, and I would in fact go to the one here if I wasn't lazy or something like that. The article also mentions bringing your dog and your kids. If I had a dog or kids, I would totally bring them to the Farmer's market. I think its a great way to give them cool life experiences. The kids, not the dog. The dog could care less, except for the being outdoors bit and the walking around bit, which now that I think about it would be good for me. Maybe I should go to the Farmer's Market. Oooh, I could walk there and stop by the Falafel place for lunch!

#6: Organic Food- I don't buy Organic food. Here is why. Organic food is the same food as regular food, only without being sprayed with chemicals. Ok ok Chemicals are bad for you, but I just can't justify the price. I mean, the reason they cost more is because more bugs get to them and eat them all up, so there are less quality products to ship to the consumers and so they have to charge more to make sure that they are able to cover their losses caused by the lack of pesticides. But I'm not going to lie, every time I think about us having kids, I think "I'm gonna switch to organics once we have kids so that I don't put nasty chemicals in their bodies... also I'm going to make their own baby food and use cloth diapers and do home birth" Soo... um... clearly I'm pretty white when it comes to my children... that don't exist yet... Maybe this one should count as half and half.

White Points: 3.5
Non-White Points: 2.5

White-ness still reigning supreme in me.
Here is a picture of said cardigan which I will get my hands on, muahahahaha!



Awesome right?! I'll post a picture of me wearing it once I order it.

Date Yoself!

I like going on dates with my husband. Te amo mucho gusto! (Any body speak spanish? Did I say that right? My Spanglish is a little rusty.) But that is not what this blog is about. This is about me being White. And one of the white girl things I like to do (which I recommend ALL girls do despite their ethnicity), is have Girl Dates BY MYSELF! That's right. No boys, no girls, no people, just you. You may be saying, WHAT?!? Whats the point of dates without making out (in the case of with boys), or a be-otch fest (in the case of with girls)? But you would be wrong, because the point of this date is magic. One person magic, and no... I don't mean one person and their (insert inappropriate paraphenalia here).

This Is what you need:
- a bath tub (all houses come with this, so it shouldn't be a problem, unless you are a bum, in which case I would question why you were on the internet in the first place? Are you updating your facebook status? "Fought a squirrel for a bag of chips today and totally kicked tail... EPIC WIN!" No I don't think so.)
- Bubble bath (mine is jasmine and white tea scented. its light and yummy, and totally looks like a grown up would use it. if you want to use disney princess or dora the explorer bubble bath thats cool with me, but you better have kids or else the people who see your shower... or snoop in your cabinents... whatever the case may be, are going to think weird things about you.)
-Hot Water (this is my trick. get in the bathtub when it is empty. sit like bathtub is full. turn on water to HOT. sit in bathtub until it is full. that way, you sllooooowwwlllyy acclimate to the hottest water you can stand. If you are sitting in the bathtub and sweating, you have achieved maximum hotness.)
- A glass of wine (before I could drink I often substituted this with Orange Juice... and I imagine a smoothie would go well here. The point it, you want something cold, fruity, and delicious. Some people would like to substitute diet coke, and I would tell them that the aspertame they are ingesting in large quantities is going to give them lupus. But then again, I am white, and I buy into things like that.)
-Brie cheese (that's right, snobby french cheese. I like snobby cheese. I like talking about how Brie is one of my favorite of all cheese, second only to Tillamook cheddar cheese. Which we all know is the only cheddar worth buying. Anyway, back to Brie. I recommend you cheat and get the kind that comes without the rind cause its easier to spread.)
-Crackers (NO RITZ! These have to be snobby thin crackers. The kind that cost four to five bucks a pop. You are on a date remember? I recommend ones with poppy seed, unless you have a drug test in the morning.)

Example of snobby crackers
-Entertainment (For the longest time this was a book, but I discovered if I brought a chair into the bathroom I could set my laptop on it and watch Netflix!!!!!! So I often do that now... something really girly.)

Now take a plate and cover with crackers. Cover crackers with brie cheese. Pour yourself glass of wine or whatever (diet coke kills!). Grab entertainment. Go to bathroom. Set snack and drink within easy reaching distance of you in tub. Place book in same place, or if you prefer the netflix route, get that all set up. Get in tub. Begin to run hot water. Pour a ton of bubble bath into running water. Fill tub. Eat snobby french food, relax in your very own sauna, enjoy your entertainment, and feel relaxed and superior to ALL THE WORLD!!!

Recommended dose: Once a month...

That's how I do.

White People Wednesdays

I have decided to get a good grip on exactly how white I really am! So I have decided to make White People Wednesdays, where every Wednesday I work my way through the Stuff White People Like list and keep a running totally of how white (or not white) that I am. To see the website I am getting this list from, look here: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

#1: Coffee- Ok I'll admit. I love coffee. I love Starbucks coffee. In fact... I have Starbucks swag.

See? Totally loves me my Starbucks AND I'm helping the environment. And while I don't buy Organic Fair Trade Coffee like the article suggests I will (Lets be honest, its only because the hubs is a poor college student), I do buy coffee in bean form and grind it up fresh each day. I also buy it in bulk from Sam's Club... cause its cheaper. And my greatest coffee lament, is that Starbucks only has peppermint lattes during the Christmas season. I would buy that carp year round!

#2: Religions That Their Parents Don't Belong To- Well... last time I checked, both of my parents raised me to love Jesus. Which means they heart the bible... and last time I checked, I haz Jesus. So I'm just gonna say, despite a short time in my early adolescence where I dabbled about, I like the religion my parents belong to. But on the other hand... I'm more into relationship than religion! Muahahahahaha, but still... I loves Jesus.

#3: Film Festivals- I have never been to a film festival, but if you wanna invite me I will totally go because it sounds AWESOME! I love Indy films. Films with quirky characters. Films in a foreign language. Films the ambiguous endings. Films with long pauses between dialogue. Also, like the article suggests, I have indeed taken a film class. And I loved it.

White Points: 2
Non-White Points: 1

Still White? I think so.



This is me being relieved that should the Apocalypse happen, I can rely on jeeps to get me around after the end of the world.

Skidaddle-doodle and A Billion Other Phrases that will guarentee everyone will think you are a big dork...

I do not care what you think. Ok, that is a lie. I care what you think... LOVE ME! But anyway, the point is caring what you think of me has never stopped me from being my awesome and amazing self! And like all mega-cool people, I have my own vocabulary (which you may wish to copy as you begin to realize that you too can be as cool as I am). But because I wouldn't want to overload you with awesome, here are three words you can begin to use in order to become more and more like me aka really really white... I mean awesome.

Skiddadle-doodle: (verb... its what you do hahahahaha) To leave in a manner that suggests gaiety, air-headedness, child-like bliss, and purple sparkly retarded unicorns prancing inexplicably in mid-air.
Ex: Well I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to Skiddadle-doodle on home.


Carp!: (noun) While actually this is a fish that looks like this

I like to use this one as an explative instead of crap. Not only is is fun to say, but parents don't glare at you like you said the "s" word when you use it in front of their kids.
Ex: OH CARP! I totally forgot to pay the heating bill and its 40 below outside.


Riddikulus: (adjective) Originally the spell used to banish boggarts in Harry Potter, now used in place of the word ridiculous to describe a bizarre, unbelievable, or other wise ridiculous situation. In fact I have completely phased the word ridiculous out of my vocabulary, except apparently in this blog.

I'm White... but here are some things about me that aren't

According to 100% of black people polled today (I'm two for two yay!)... I'm the 2nd Whitest Person They Know. Not because of any one instance, but apparently because I am so white in everything that I do, it simply oozes out of my pours. So I thought to myself, "hey! Maybe I'll start a blog about all the white stuff I do!" So I polled people on facebook (because lets be honest, I likes me some adoring fans), and a couple of people said "sure, why not." Which is enough of a fan base for me! So in honor of writing a blog about being really really white... I thought I'd list some things I do that are not white.


Here is a gratuitous picture of me pretending to live the thug life:


Pretty baller huh?


1. I do not like country music. Ok... I like maybe three country songs. Man I feel like a Woman by Shania Twain. Redneck Woman by Gretchen Wilson. And I'm Still A Guy by Brad Paisley. BUT THAT'S IT! (and maybe that one song by Rascal Flatts about singing a country song backwards because its funny... and also their version of life is a highway because its a fun song to listen to when you are driving, but really THATS IT)

2. I have rhythm... Amazingly, without ever taking a single dance lesson I can... kind of shake it a little bit. NO really! People aren't embaressed to take me to public places with a dance floor. I can shake that... and go low low low low low low low (and after that I may or may not fall over). But the point is I only do the Vegan Shopper, or the T-Rex (I invented it in High school... AWESOME!), or the Sprinkler if I feel like it. Not because I have to.
3. I loves me some hip-hop. Its my music of choice. I have a particular fondness for Missy Elliot... and for that matter T-Pain. And if I'm really honest, Lil Jon cracks me up. How the crap to you manage to get paid to stand in the back of music videos and only say your name AND GET PAID FOR IT!?!?!?! Say what you want, but that man is a genius.


4. I do not get drunk at parties and sluttily dance on tables. This is a very white girl thing to do. I do not do it. Hence why I am only the SECOND whitest girl you know.

5. See the above picture? I am spelling out blood with my fingers. I have gang-sign talented hands. I can also do latin kings if I concentrate really hard and try and remember that episode of Gangland I saw them featured on.

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6. I grew up kind of near L.A.and went there fairly regularly as I got older and I went to the hood in St. Louis once. There was some kind of freestylie rap community thingy going on in this park thingy. There were also cool old cars. I liked it.

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Ok I seem to have run out of things. I was really hoping this list would make it to ten. Apparently I am too white for that. At least I can say that I don't have a lower back tattoo. Then I would be The 2nd Whitest Trash Girl U Know. OMG I own crocs! Two pairs! I am white. So before this starts devolving into you finding out how white I really am, I will give you another gratuitous picture. This time of me being really cool.






Thankfully hair restoration has come a long way since this was taken four years ago, and I now have a full head of hair.